1st of December 2010
Angela
This date used to be special. I used to spend plenty of time trying to make this date as special as ever. This year...this date is still significant even though I no longer spend a month's time thinking of what to do on this date. This date has now become a memory. It is because of this date I've grown into a woman (hehe)!!!

Thinking back of these past years...I have mixed feelings. *bittersweet* I had lots of good times and also bad times. Happy times would be remembered and bad times will be taken as lessons. My tears and heartaches from the past few years have made me stronger. I no longer cry over petty matters. I live as my own self and not as another person. I no longer live just to please another party. It was tiring. Now, I've learned the simple yet difficult word "Let Go'. Letting go is the greatest lesson which I have learned because of this date.

I no longer only care for one person but for everyone around me. Of course Jason is still *special* and on priority list but now my attention also goes to my family and friends. This is the kind of balance which I should have learned long ago....I know I'm late but better than never ???
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Forgive. Forget???
Angela
It has been ages since I last blogged. This post is about a silly thought which has been circling my mind.

 For the past one week, I have been thinking of this line -Forgive and forget- We have heard of this ever since we learned the word "sorry".

 What do we actually mean when we say we are sorry? Do we apologize so we would feel better after a mistake is done? Or do we apologize because it is an easy way out of trouble.

 When we say we are sorry, usually it means we are apologetic and we will not repeat the same mistake. But what if someone apologizes and yet repeat the same action / mistake daily? How do we forgive in situations like this? And definitely, it is quite impossible to forget.

 Does forgiving or forgetting comes first?

 Do we actually forgive someone and eventually forget OR do we forget and eventually forgive? How would we know if we have forgiven someone?

Until this very moment, after thinking of this thought over and over and over again....I still have not found an answer. Perhaps, this is only to be discovered when I have truly forgiven someone.
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The Inconsiderate Roommate
Angela
Yes! Vivian you have a very inconsiderate rommmate. I've always thought of myself as a very neat and considerate person. But, lately...I discovered my "dark side".haha!!!I'm as messy as anyone can be..i can be reli tidy for a day or two and then be very very messy for the next one week until my off day again!





Let the photos do the talking...
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Wedding planner?
Angela
What do I really want to do? Who do I want to be? I have not really thought about this before. I have been living in the shadows of others. I have not been making my own honest decisions. It is time to start knowing myself more (my thoughts and wants).
When I was in primary school, every year my class teacher would ask me : what is your ambition?
I would answer : a doctor(1st choice), teacher (2nd choice), lawyer (3rd choice)....
How can that be? Doctor????I'm afraid of blood. Teacher? I wouldn't have the patience. Lawyer? I can't even finish a law degree due to short term memory lost. haha! I'm bad at memorizing.

Year after year in school, my friends and I gave the same answers....but we all turned out to be different persons now. We are not doctors, teachers or lawyers...though some of my friends do have their LAW degree.....and some are REAL doctors.

I on the other hand graduated with a degree in communications - a 3 year course to get me to "communicate" better =.=
All in all, I did enjoy the course....much hardships, tears as well as frustrations.....but in the end I turned out fine. I learned a lot about life through my years in uni. Love, friendship, trust, hardwork and most importantly I understood the meaning of the word "interest".

To be interested in something is easy..to lose interest in that something is even easier. Without interest, we will not be able to do something well. Be it a relationship, friendship or even your job. In order to make something work we must firstly have that interest blazing inside us not just a day, a month or a year. It has to be ongoing.

When I was in high school, I was more interested in guiding than books (honest truth). Looking back, I will not want to change a thing. It was the time spent building bamboo gadgets, starting fire using twigs, getting smashed by eggs and writing logbooks that made me who I am today. Those were good old days. Friendships were established. Patience were tested. This is what I call character building. It is either you get the good side of it or the bad. I didn't turn out too bad eh?haha!

Anyway, as I journeyed along....I met new people in life....and they made me see things which I have not seen. I discovered that I love weddings. I don't just love the ceremony. I love the dresses. Love the flowers. Love the cakes. Love everything that makes a "wedding".

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People come and go. Some may stay in our lives for a short while, some a while longer..and some will never leave. It doesn't matter how long they stay but it is the impact that they leave behind as well as the impact you leave in their lives.

In the beginning, I thought my obsession over weddings was just a phase. Now, I am sure it is not. Because even after all the trials I've been through for the past one year, I still am very interested in wedding planning.

I am 23. Still young but not too young. I will stay focus and go towards my interest so that I will live a life worth living. Keeping my fingers crossed ;p
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What could have happened in one year?
Angela
LOADS!!!
SO much has happened since last Sept. My whole life changed. I was hurt. Heartbroken. Wept. Unwilling to move on. Holding on to the past. Hoped. Cried. Disappointed. Went nuts. Got sober. Got drunk and puked (once and that was the only one time).

My whole world went tumbling down in Sept. Tried to pick myself up but I failed for almost a year. In Dec I thought things were getting better, but no I was hit by 'tsunami'- he had a new gf.

January, never been so busy in my life attending meetings (Adwave 2010- my final year project). Adwave has resulted to fewer friends but more 'true friends'. You know who you are my true friends :) Bittersweet. Complicated.

March- yay! finally i'm 23 and I reli felt older. Adwave is finally over.

April - Singapore??Am I really leaving my home, sweet Penang to a foreign land???

May- Here I am Singapore. Working environment made me grow up. Physically in Singapore but my heart is definitely still in Penang. When will I ever grow tougher?? I need to be a fighter not a girl who used to give all she could and rely on him for security. He no longer exists.

June- Days got harder. Loneliness will never leave my side. The past cannot be left alone. The past haunted me everyday. Tears rolled down my cheeks whenever I think of the day he left.

July-How could this be?? My thoughts and feelings were messed up. I was no longer myself.

August- Convocation. The day I've been looking forward to since my first day in uni. hehe! Finally, 3 years of my degree has ended officially. I've finished school. Yay!!! But, the thought of returning to Penang got me worried. Will I bumped into him and her?? Will I be hurt all over again? The thoughts came back to me. I made a call. A call that I will never ever forget. Through this call I know for sure that he is no longer the man I used to know or loved. It was a wake up call. The phone call sounded like this : if you love me, know that I will never be with you again. How come I've never ever accepted that simple sentence before?? I guess I have heard it more than once. Why did I cry over a man who has stopped loving me?? A man who doesn't care anymore. A man who doesn't know love anymore. A man who will not wipe my tears when I cry or be there when I needed him. Why did I not turn to the man who has always loved me from the very beginning "The Father"?? What was I thinking?
The first person I met in Penang was him. He drove passed me. I couldnt find the feelings which I used to have for him. Then, I knew I no longer want him.

September- Another 2 days to go and it will be 1 September 2010. A new month. A new beginning. I am loving my life. Altough I've lost the 4 year relationship, I have gained much more from it. I am myself again. I JUST realized that life doesn't revolve around one person only. Now, I have so many loves of my life. I am 23 and I still have a long way to go.

Tomorrow, I will have a great time with my room mate, Vivian. We're visiting Sentosa!

To conclude, I have found love again. True love this time :) Now, when I think back.. my life has been great :) I am thankful. Deo Gratias.


p/s : revealing my true thoughts here can be embarassing but I still want to post it up. I am not embarrassed by my pasts and I want some of the girls out there who are hurting and happened to read this to know that no matter how much we've been hurt and let down, we will be okay after the rain. I see the rainbow now. God loves us!
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