LOADS!!!
SO much has happened since last Sept. My whole life changed. I was hurt. Heartbroken. Wept. Unwilling to move on. Holding on to the past. Hoped. Cried. Disappointed. Went nuts. Got sober. Got drunk and puked (once and that was the only one time).
My whole world went tumbling down in Sept. Tried to pick myself up but I failed for almost a year. In Dec I thought things were getting better, but no I was hit by 'tsunami'- he had a new gf.
January, never been so busy in my life attending meetings (Adwave 2010- my final year project). Adwave has resulted to fewer friends but more 'true friends'. You know who you are my true friends :) Bittersweet. Complicated.
March- yay! finally i'm 23 and I reli felt older. Adwave is finally over.
April - Singapore??Am I really leaving my home, sweet Penang to a foreign land???
May- Here I am Singapore. Working environment made me grow up. Physically in Singapore but my heart is definitely still in Penang. When will I ever grow tougher?? I need to be a fighter not a girl who used to give all she could and rely on him for security. He no longer exists.
June- Days got harder. Loneliness will never leave my side. The past cannot be left alone. The past haunted me everyday. Tears rolled down my cheeks whenever I think of the day he left.
July-How could this be?? My thoughts and feelings were messed up. I was no longer myself.
August- Convocation. The day I've been looking forward to since my first day in uni. hehe! Finally, 3 years of my degree has ended officially. I've finished school. Yay!!! But, the thought of returning to Penang got me worried. Will I bumped into him and her?? Will I be hurt all over again? The thoughts came back to me. I made a call. A call that I will never ever forget. Through this call I know for sure that he is no longer the man I used to know or loved. It was a wake up call. The phone call sounded like this : if you love me, know that I will never be with you again. How come I've never ever accepted that simple sentence before?? I guess I have heard it more than once. Why did I cry over a man who has stopped loving me?? A man who doesn't care anymore. A man who doesn't know love anymore. A man who will not wipe my tears when I cry or be there when I needed him. Why did I not turn to the man who has always loved me from the very beginning "The Father"?? What was I thinking?
The first person I met in Penang was him. He drove passed me. I couldnt find the feelings which I used to have for him. Then, I knew I no longer want him.
September- Another 2 days to go and it will be 1 September 2010. A new month. A new beginning. I am loving my life. Altough I've lost the 4 year relationship, I have gained much more from it. I am myself again. I JUST realized that life doesn't revolve around one person only. Now, I have so many loves of my life. I am 23 and I still have a long way to go.
Tomorrow, I will have a great time with my room mate, Vivian. We're visiting Sentosa!
To conclude, I have found love again. True love this time :) Now, when I think back.. my life has been great :) I am thankful. Deo Gratias.
p/s : revealing my true thoughts here can be embarassing but I still want to post it up. I am not embarrassed by my pasts and I want some of the girls out there who are hurting and happened to read this to know that no matter how much we've been hurt and let down, we will be okay after the rain. I see the rainbow now. God loves us!
SO much has happened since last Sept. My whole life changed. I was hurt. Heartbroken. Wept. Unwilling to move on. Holding on to the past. Hoped. Cried. Disappointed. Went nuts. Got sober. Got drunk and puked (once and that was the only one time).
My whole world went tumbling down in Sept. Tried to pick myself up but I failed for almost a year. In Dec I thought things were getting better, but no I was hit by 'tsunami'- he had a new gf.
January, never been so busy in my life attending meetings (Adwave 2010- my final year project). Adwave has resulted to fewer friends but more 'true friends'. You know who you are my true friends :) Bittersweet. Complicated.
March- yay! finally i'm 23 and I reli felt older. Adwave is finally over.
April - Singapore??Am I really leaving my home, sweet Penang to a foreign land???
May- Here I am Singapore. Working environment made me grow up. Physically in Singapore but my heart is definitely still in Penang. When will I ever grow tougher?? I need to be a fighter not a girl who used to give all she could and rely on him for security. He no longer exists.
June- Days got harder. Loneliness will never leave my side. The past cannot be left alone. The past haunted me everyday. Tears rolled down my cheeks whenever I think of the day he left.
July-How could this be?? My thoughts and feelings were messed up. I was no longer myself.
August- Convocation. The day I've been looking forward to since my first day in uni. hehe! Finally, 3 years of my degree has ended officially. I've finished school. Yay!!! But, the thought of returning to Penang got me worried. Will I bumped into him and her?? Will I be hurt all over again? The thoughts came back to me. I made a call. A call that I will never ever forget. Through this call I know for sure that he is no longer the man I used to know or loved. It was a wake up call. The phone call sounded like this : if you love me, know that I will never be with you again. How come I've never ever accepted that simple sentence before?? I guess I have heard it more than once. Why did I cry over a man who has stopped loving me?? A man who doesn't care anymore. A man who doesn't know love anymore. A man who will not wipe my tears when I cry or be there when I needed him. Why did I not turn to the man who has always loved me from the very beginning "The Father"?? What was I thinking?
The first person I met in Penang was him. He drove passed me. I couldnt find the feelings which I used to have for him. Then, I knew I no longer want him.
September- Another 2 days to go and it will be 1 September 2010. A new month. A new beginning. I am loving my life. Altough I've lost the 4 year relationship, I have gained much more from it. I am myself again. I JUST realized that life doesn't revolve around one person only. Now, I have so many loves of my life. I am 23 and I still have a long way to go.
Tomorrow, I will have a great time with my room mate, Vivian. We're visiting Sentosa!
To conclude, I have found love again. True love this time :) Now, when I think back.. my life has been great :) I am thankful. Deo Gratias.
p/s : revealing my true thoughts here can be embarassing but I still want to post it up. I am not embarrassed by my pasts and I want some of the girls out there who are hurting and happened to read this to know that no matter how much we've been hurt and let down, we will be okay after the rain. I see the rainbow now. God loves us!
You're such an inspiration, Angela! Really. You made my day by just reading your entry. Am entry beautifully written and filled with hopes. THANK YOU!
Angela~ you made my day too.. truly understands your feeling.. so proud of you for being so strong! =p
cheers~
I took a year to move on but it doesn't mean others will take the same amount of time. Some people may need more or less time. Doesn't mean we love less or love more. Love cannot be measured by time. That's definitely something which I have learned through this phase of life. No matter what we're going through, what we've gone through and what we will be going through...always bear in mind that God journeys with us. Sometimes, we don't feel Him or see Him but I am very certain that He feels what I feel and He knows that I need Him because everytime when I cry,He wipes my tears while I'm asleep. If it wasn't for this terrible pain which I experienced I would never know and appreciate what "true" happiness is. It's simple and I feel real joy now.
thumbs up...yeah... u go gal...